Bachelor Pad |[10]| [flv] (~12.4MB)

Auditions (Part 3)

The search for a new instrumentalist comes to a startling and spine-tingling conclusion. Along with Season 1 of Bachelor Pad!

Bachelor Pad |[9]| [flv] (~12.4MB)

Auditions (Part 2)

Further deliberation.

Bachelor Pad |[8]| [flv] (~20.7MB)

Auditions (Part 1)

Things are a’changin…

Bachelor Pad |[7]| [flv] (~12.9MB)

Practice Space

The band starts making music when Kyle finds a place to rehearse.

Bachelor Pad |[6]| [flv] (~16.9MB)

Colby Jack

In which a curious house guest arrives.

Bachelor Pad |[5]| [flv] (~20.2MB)

The Biggest Fan

There’s this weird guy outside.

Bachelor Pad |[4]| [flv] (~18.7MB)

Too Many Girl Problems.

Brendon and Kyle try to help Trevor with his feminine issues.

Bachelor Pad |[3]| [flv] (~13.0MB)

Concerning meat.

Bachelor Pad |[2]| [flv] (~15.2MB)

Kyle goes on a diet and learns to play the guitar.

Bachelor Pad |[1]| [flv] (~12.6MB)

Kyle, Brendon and Trevor start a band and move in together.

On November 29th, a band called mewithoutYou rocked a local music scene at Guzman’s in Harrisonburg, Virginia. Half restaurant, half concert space, Guzman’s is a solid venue. The concert space half of the building is wide open, like a warehouse, except for the stage at one end which is dwarfed by the stacks of a dozen speakers on either side. Also, booths line one wall of the giant room while a bar lines the other. Black lights hang from the rafters in the ceiling, as well as a number of other lights. The crowd tonight is as diverse as one could expect at a local scene, with everything from dreadlocked hippies to emo kids filing in. The show kicks off with three bands: Yours for Mine, Maple Union and Shapiro. They bands play energetic, entertaining sets as the crowd stands around to listen. It’s not long, however, before mewithoutYou gets on stage. Far from the typical, glamorized look of rock stars we’re accustomed to seeing, some members of the group look like they just walked in off the streets of New York City. They’re all wearing heavy overcoats and thick hats, and while this may be necessary against the chilly November weather, it’s hot inside Guzman’s, but they keep their heavy apparel on. In addition to this, as a part of setting up their equipment, the band attaches bouquets of flowers to their mic stands (during an interview with the lead singer after the show, we discovered this was not a customary act, just a spontaneous decision).

The crowd presses in toward the stage as the group gets ready to play. The lights dim and they jump into the set. As they play, the band members get progressively hotter and are forced to strip off their outer layers (the drummer plays through the entire first song with his beanie covering his eyes). As for mewithoutYou’s music, it is difficult to categorize. They describe themselves as Indie/Post Hardcore/Rock. There’s certainly an experimental element in their sound, as well. The vocalist, rather than singing, uses a style of vocalization that could more accurately be described as shouting. Not as aggressive as the screaming one might hear in death metal, his voice takes on a story-telling quality, ranging from sadness to anger. He is occasionally backed up on vocals by the other band members. On the chorus of some songs, the others will sing a simple, haunting melody while the main vocalist shouts over top of it. The dynamics are incredible as the band plays through an entire album’s worth of music. The crowd pushes in closer and closer during the set, until they are packed in shoulder to shoulder around the stage.
Another facet of the band’s performance that sets it apart from many others is its wide use of instrumentation. The lead singer switches his acoustic guitar out for an accordion for some songs, also using a harmonica or even whistling for others. Similarly, other people—perhaps close friends or roadies for the band—jump on stage carrying sleigh bells, hand drums, brass horns, kazoos and everything in between. There’s almost a sense of community that develops between the band and the audience as they play and people come on and off the stage.

After an engaging set, the band thanks the audience and walks offstage to roaring applause. However, the applause hasn’t even died down before someone starts chanting, “One more song. One more song.” Moments the later, the chant has grown to the entire group. “One more song! One more song!” The band walks back onstage to thunderous applause and they strap on their instruments again. The lead singer apologizes, saying he doesn’t know what song to play. Then someone shouts, “January, 1979!” It’s the one song I know well enough to sing along to, so I join with the others in cheering my agreement. The catchy song throws everyone into a frenzy, and we continue singing the chorus even after the music fades out.

Overall, the show was one of the most memorable I’ve been to. Between their strangely catchy style, wide range of instrumentation, and every quirky facet of the band—such as bringing their dog, Penny, along on tour with them—mewithoutYou puts on a performance that will draw in the most skeptical of spectators. While they might not appeal to every ear the first time, they’re worth listening to again and again. And if they’re ever in your area, don’t hesitate to take the opportunity to catch their incredible live performance. Even for someone who wasn’t familiar with the band’s songs at the time of their performance, I give the show a 4.5 out of 5 on the sweetcripes.com scale of awesomeness.

For thousands of years mankind has been plagued by famine, disease, and war. It has been widely speculated that many of the disasters that have befallen us as a race have been due to such sins as greed and lust. But take a second to stop and think about dancing. Every bit as dangerous as the aforementioned iniquities, this immoral act has been around for almost as long and has done a far greater disservice to the standards of our civilization.

While nations crumble and the souls of generations rot in the mire of their own discontentedness, there is a forgotten underworld that comes to life in the dark. Beneath the veneer of cultured society is a world that exists for the sole purpose of the most base pleasures. It is a world filled with chaotic laughter; a realm of raucous music and the merriment of the lost and the broken. Bodies writhe irreverently to the beating of drums. Melodies of trickery waft through the air as harmony tiptoes and frolics deceitfully around it. This horrible nightmare comes to fruition each time someone dances.

Dancing in itself is not a harmful action. Wait, who am I kidding. It is the single most abominable thing one can do with one’s body besides adultery and fornication. In the same way that eating the meat of animals leads to savage behavior, gluttony and poor health; allowing music to move one’s psyche to a point of emotional instability that results in dancing invites a pair of evil love demons to make babies in one’s heart. Each of us has been aware within themselves since a very young age that allowing the conception of demon babies inside your heart is a serious crime against mother nature, and is something that can never be undone.

Thus far we have discussed the implications of dance as something one person does by themselves. But what happens when you add another person into the mix, or - heaven forbid - multiple people, creating a pair or a group of dancers? Well, if one’s movements can be so detrimental to their well-being alone, as we have already illustrated, suffice it to say that tightly synchronizing the bodily gyrations of several people - as is done by the likes of mental patient and victim of poorly spelled first name Britney Spears - becomes a travesty not only for those dancing, but also for every watching bystander.

Even changing the channel on your television set (the evils of television are for another day) and mistakenly catching a glimpse of people in the throes of musical passion can put you at risk. You see, group dance is unfortunately seen by many as some warped and wretched form of entertainment. In these cases, the viewers are just as guilty in their own demon baby-producing hearts as the dancers themselves.

We all walk somewhere - nearly every day. At least those of us with two feet and two strong working legs do. Unless of course we are too fat, dumb and lazy to get out of bed and do something meaningful with our lives. Either way, I’d like to challenge you to remember about the harmful ways of dancing. Make it a point to walk calmly and evenly, taking one step after the other in medium-paced succession. Don’t meander, hop, skip, two-step, slide, tap, jig, or do anything else that might otherwise alter your perfect stride. And of course, don’t ever listen to any music as you walk. The temptation could easily become too much for your small brain to handle, and you could find yourself in the midst of a dance the likes of which you will never forgive yourself for.

Preamble:
The following discourse has nothing to do with bitterness or resentment toward males; it is a straight-forward statement of observation. Please understand this is a generalization. Stereotypes about men exist for the same reason that many other stereotypes exist: because they are mostly true. This piece has been assembled for the benefit of both women and men everywhere, so that a greater understanding of man can be realized. The following theory is what every woman, for as long as time has existed, has wanted to know about men, in a simple discourse of male theory.


1.) Men like things simple. They don’t care what color shoes “so and so” was wearing. In fact, they don’t really care if “so and so” was even wearing shoes.

a.) When talking, keep to the point, say the point and move on.
b.) Use pictures instead of words if you want to keep a man’s attention.

2.) If you want a man to pay attention to you and not your breasts, don’t have them hanging out for all the world to see.

a.) However, if you want to attract a guy in a sexual manner, put them on display, but don’t complain that he only likes you for your breasts, because then it will be true.
b.) Also, if you dress like a hooch, don’t complain when you get hit on by males of all types. Men are wired to look.

3.) Men don’t like when you talk about your guy friends and/or ex’s. Unless you happen to be feeding their ego by telling them that they are so much awesomer than all the other guys you have ever known.

a.) Refer to Article 1, point B. Men would actually prefer if you just didn’t talk.
b.) If it is important that they know something about another friend of the male species, keep it brief and to the point.

4.) Males only care about music, cars, sports, and sex.

a.) Don’t expect a male to actually care about how your day was. That’s what your girl friends are for. But feel free to tell him anyway, because he’ll still listen - or at least do a decent job of pretending to.

5.) Males are easily amused by shiny objects, no matter how sophisticated the male may seem.

a.) If the shiny object flashes, lights up, or makes noise, it adds to their amusement.
b.) If the shiny object does all three, you will keep a male entertained for quite some time. Especially if he can take it apart and put it back together.

6.) Males dislike asking for directions.

a.) This dislike grows when asking for directions from a female.

7.) Males forget things.

a.) Repeat information as often as necessary.
b.) Repeat information too often, and he will call you a nag.

8.) When requesting a special gift from a male for a special occasion, don’t expect him to actually remember what you want.

a.) Subtle hints do not work. Be specific and to the point. Use pictures when available.
b.) However, if you request lingerie he will magically remember - just make sure he knows your size.
c.) Best idea, take his credit card and buy your own gift.
d.) Saying “if you knew me, you’d know what I want” to a male in reference to a gift will most likely result in you getting your very own XBOX or Wii. If you receive one of these, don’t be surprised. If you are actually excited to get one of these, you can easily score bonus points if you promise to play with him.

9.) Males care about their woman’s appearance more than their own appearance.

a.) They dislike hearing you complain about your body. If you complain too much, after awhile he’ll stop trying so hard to convince you that you’re wrong.
b.) Don’t ask if those jeans make you look fat unless you want an honest answer.
I. If you are given an honest answer, don’t throw things at him.
II. If he says you look great, don’t accuse him of lying. Just say thank you and walk away. You got what you wanted; don’t make his life harder than it already is.
c.) Furthermore, don’t even ask “how do I look?” He will become stuck trying to figure out if this is a trick or if you genuinely want to know how you look. Make things easy on the both of you: if he doesn’t say you look bad, assume you look nice. If you must know how you look, take a picture of your outfit and text it to a girl friend, then go from there.

10.) Most males do care about their own appearances, no matter how much they downplay it.

a) All males like to be complimented, so compliment them often. However, do not compliment them too often unless you want them to believe you have a thing for them. However, if you are in a dating relationship, you’d better be complimenting him quite often. (Especially if you are ugly - you don’t want other girls to be out-complimenting you.)
b) Some males don’t know how to dress. This is not their fault. Please help them out by buying them new clothes and complimenting them on how great they look.

Copyright 2004-2009 sweetcripes.com. All rights reserved.

Flight of the Falcon [flv] (~48MB)

F4C’s first short film, for your viewing pleasure!

Punish them for hitting the gas too hard.

No less than a month ago, the worst bill in the history of time was passed into law: a fee of between $1,050 and around $3,000 will be tacked onto your expenses if you’re a Virginia resident caught going more than 20mph over the speed limit, or more than 80mph in general. Note that it’s a fee, not a fine. Why is this? Because the coffers of our great state of Virginia need to be filled. Money is needed to pay illegal immigrants to fix roads and mow grass and do municipal landscaping. You heard correctly; it’s just one big fund raiser.

The Virginia Government wants to raise $65 to $120 million to pay for… um, the roads, and… stuff. Seriously, this isn’t a joke. Who can afford to drop three large on a traffic violation? The law applies to anyone convicted of reckless driving, so that goes for drunk drivers and street racers who think their Japanese-made sedan belongs in Nascar, which isn’t a bad thing at all. But for crying out loud, don’t punish the average citizen who’s just trying to get around. And of course you realize that if any of these people had half a brain, they’d be able to do simple math. For example, just RAISE TAXES instead.

Do you know how much extra each Virginia citizen would have to pay in taxes to raise $120,000,000?

About $15.79.

Morons.

Therefore, I strongly recommend that you sign this.

Not all of the legislation that was passed as part of the July 1st, 2007 amendments is poorly thought out, though. Go ahead and stick it to the idiots who decide to get lit and then sit behind the wheel. Keep the $15,000 fine now imposed on concert promoters who don’t deliver (although I’d hate to be the guy in charge of publicizing a Guns N’ Roses show). Turn the red light cameras back on and give the death penalty to gang leaders who put out a hit on Johnny Witness or Billy Judge in the case that got ‘em pinched. You know I definitely don’t mind the 2 to 10 years in prison and the $100,000 fine for recruiting or encouraging anyone to engage in terrorist activity.

The bottom line is that if you ride on any of the highways that traverse our great state, you know that to go less than five over the speed limit is asking to get creamed. You might as well leap off an overpass onto steaming asphalt, splinter your legs with a hatchet and wait for oncoming traffic to finish you off. Thanks Virginia legislators. I appreciate the fact that you gave us the choice to just have taxes raised in lieu of these new laws. Oh wait. That’s right; you grabbed our freedom of choice, laid it out against the yellow paint and curb-stomped it.

We Did Not Expect to Suck So Much!

After getting my fifteen-billionth error message on Myspace today, I decided that I have completely changed my opinion of social networking websites. I’d just like to point out that Facebook has become ultimately superior to Myspace in every way. If you live in a cardboard box and don’t have an account on either site, here are a few points to consider when making your decision:

Advertisements
Myspace is lined with ‘em. And they’re some of the most annoying, offensive, and ridiculous ones that exist on the inter-web. Below is a comparison of ads seen on my ‘Home’ page on the two sites. Three sections of ads on Myspace and just one sidebar on Facebook. Note how all the links on Myspace suck. There is a header about some online school, and everyone knows online degrees are crap. Then there’s a super fun game of some sort that involves you clicking a red button as fast as you can in order to ‘beat’ the computer at whichever of a number of lame and meaningless tasks it is trying to accomplish. Further down the page is a list of AdSense type links, pay-per-click junk that takes you to a bunch of spam sites. Also note that the single advertisement on Facebook is a static image banner in an unobtrusive sidebar. Not to mention the fact that it’s an ad for a stock brokerage, which is awesome because — as I’m sure you’re aware — paying low commissions on real-time trades is the jam.

Errors
Again, tons of these on the ‘Space. I have yet to encounter a single error in any non-application area of Facebook. Speaking of applications…

Dumb Applications
I’ve got to admit, these are pretty retarded. But some of them are cool, so don’t disrespect Facebook. They do provide customization in a hella tight way.

Spam
As opposed to its counterpart, Facebook is not riddled with spam messages, fake people, or hijacked comments about penis enlargement.

Wall/Comments
People don’t post lame glitter graphics on Facebook, just regular text-ified messages. Good riddance.

Top Friends
Way to make all your non-top friends feel bad! They’ll think they’re losers — which they are — and try to kill themselves! Now Facebook has an application to simulate this, but still.

Friend Details
One of the great parts about Facebook. Don’t remember how you met that one chick that keeps messaging you, but who you know because you accidentally elbowed her in the face at the 311 concert two-and-a-half years ago? Put it in your friend details.

Profile Name
I frigging hate it when people change their blasted Myspace name from ‘~Joe~’ to ‘{The Ultimate Fighting Machine}’ to ‘mAMa’Z bOi’ to ‘Joe [just found out he has herpes]‘ every five seconds. It further increases the chance that I have no idea who you are.

Status
A short synopsis of your life, and a great feature of Facebook that Myspace has only recently attempted to replicate.

There is a plethora of additional reasons why FB is better than MS, but the ones I have provided should be enough to show any blithering idiot the way.

Driving home from work yesterday I happened upon two idiots holding campaign signs on the street corner. “What a couple of societal rejects,” I thought to myself, “slinging signs for the latest crop of worthless politician.” The hand-drawn signs were written on posterboard and said stupid junk like “TIRED oF TRAffIc? VoTE FoR [insert name of politician] oR I’LL KILL yoU WITH THIs sIGN.” Except for the sign-killing part. They were also holding the ‘official’ printed signs for whatever the politician guy’s name was. And they were just standing there.

I have two ideas for people like that. The first is that many years ago they invented thin metal rods that can be attached to signs made out of such substances as plastic and cardboard. These newly crafted instruments can then be stuck into the ground so a parade of morons like you don’t have to hold them up all day. Technology is great and making use of its advances is in your best interests overall, I’d say. They have sticky notes and push pins for the same reason, but you people probably never get any work done because you’re too busy trying to hold eight pieces of looseleaf paper to the wall of your cubicle with each hand.

The second idea I have is that if you cannot find anything more meaningful to do with your time than to hold signs for politicians who could care less about you or your interests, or about anything except getting elected by any means necessary so they can fatten themselves and give $10,000-an-hour inspirational speeches for the rest of their lives, you should go inflict as much pain upon yourself as possible. Here’s an idea: get someone to spot you while you do a bunch of sit-ups. Each time you complete one, have them stab you right in the gut with a butter knife. That kind of behavior builds character and will make you a stronger and more trustworthy person, I guarantee it. Just try it and if you’re not satisfied, let me know.

The fact is that the ONLY people who have the God-given right to stand on street corners holding signs are those dressed as gigantic human-sized hot dogs, hamburgers, tacos or soft drinks. Those people even get paid minimum wage to do that junk, which is more than you sorry garbage slingers can say for yourselves.

These elements are by no means the only things in good movies, but they are all things that great movies include.

10. Getting Away With Murder
The good guy in movies is always allowed to shoot, maim, mangle, or lay the smack down on anyone they want, but the bad guy gets thrown in jail for it. When the cops come at the end of the movie, the main character is always absolved.

9. Comic Relief
Every type of movie has its own kind of humor that can be applied to the story to make it hilarious. Look at Schindler’s List, it had some funny parts! Also Braveheart was funny, like when they slit that girl’s throat or made Braveheart’s intestines come out at the end.

8. A Dynamic Duo
Just think about how many movies there are with a white guy and a black guy teamed up. You can basically throw in any two dudes of different races and you’ve got instant cinematic gold. Mel Gibson and Danny Glover. Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker. John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson. Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson. Yoda and Samuel L. Jackson. Tim Robbins and Samuel L. Jackson. Wait, that was Morgan Freeman.

7. A Lovable Villain
It’s the classic case of the bad guy being cooler than all the good guys combined. Look at Darth Vader and Darth Maul for example. They rule and their Sith powers are far more awesome than the Jedi powers, not to mention they carry red lightsabers and red happens to be the best color ever invented. And Sauron definitely has better armor than that tree hugging freak Aragorn. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be best friends with the huge, evil lord who can kill 80 guys with one swipe of his gigantic mace than the loner who sits in the corner of the inn with his emo cloak wallowing in his own self-loathing for not having the cojones to take the throne as the rightful King of Gondor! What a chump, you know?!

6. A Heartfelt Moment
You might be asking yourself what this is, exactly. Well, just to clue you in, this is that moment in the movie where no matter if it’s a romantic comedy or a sci-fi horror slasher, two of the characters are sitting there and one of them starts telling a boring personal story filled with emotional baggage that no one cares about, that starts with ‘when I was a kid’ or ‘my father this, my father that’ or something else that is dumb and meaningless. It’s really stupid and I hate it, but almost every movie has one of these scenes so I practically was forced to put it in the list.

5. Guitar Solos
Can you think of even one great movie that doesn’t have a guitar solo in it? I mean come on - Top Gun? Wayne’s World? And the list goes on.

4. Explosions, Weapons, and Violence
Even though this is really three categories I thought it would be best to put them all in the same category because they are interconnected on so many levels. Weapons sometimes make explosions, which cause violence. So they’re practically the same thing.

3. Chicks
It’s basically not even a movie if there isn’t at least one chick in it. She doesn’t have to be an actor though - it might be that you see a person in the movie watching TV and there is a woman on the TV at that very moment. Or maybe there’s a crime scene photograph of a dead lady. Perhaps somebody in the movie says a girl’s name. She doesn’t have to be some babe-alicious dudette or anything, but you get points if she is. Your movie probably sucks if you don’t even put a single lady in there.

2. Cool Traps
Anybody worth their salt knows that cool traps just make a movie destined for greatness no matter what it’s about. I mean look at Indiana Jones, for example. All those movies have great traps. Same with Pirates of the Carribbean. Captain Jack is always trying to get himself out of some stupid trap he’s gone and got himself into. It makes for a funny yet gruesome part of the plot that’s potentially deadly at the same time, like in SAW. Plus it gives you ideas for how to surprise your friends on birthdays and holidays.

1. The Best Moves
Without sweet moves, you can never become all that and a bag of chips. But moves aren’t just moves - they come in six different types. The types of move you can do are martial arts moves, stunt moves, vehicle moves, dance moves, weapon moves, and girly moves. Most of these are self-explanatory except girly moves. These are the kind of ones that are used all the time by those such as Hugh Grant, George Clooney and Austin Powers. They really know how to work it with the ladies for the most make-outs and least talk-to-the-hands.

Most video games just get boring after awhile. I really don’t have a high tolerance when it comes to my attention span for them; usually I just want to sit back and blow stuff up or shoot things or hack them to bits for awhile without having to worry about dumb crap like “extra lives” or a difficulty level above super easy. Video games are supposed to be fun and entertaining, not frustrating to the point of aneurysm.

That’s why I love Icewind Dale II. It’s a computer rpg based on the 3rd edition D&D rules (quite loosely based, I should say) that pretty much rules the school. Create up to six characters from the eleven basic classes using their 4th Edition NPC Generator (not really, I’m just using that as dungeons and dragons text), and out of a ton of different races and sub-races. Slash your way through miles and miles of dangerous baddies, gain experience and gnarly new abilities and items along the way, and become either the peoples’ greatest hero or the most fearsome villain of all time. It’s a simple formula for good old-fashioned fun, and even though it’s not built on a fancy new-fangled 3d game engine, it still looks good.

At first I was getting killed and having to respawn after like every battle, but once I realized that in all reality, I have nothing to prove by playing a stupid video game, I hit that difficulty slider and suddenly I’m slicing through everything but the toughest enemies like a knife through I Can’t Believe It’s Not. Highly recommended with a 4, edging into a 4.5 on our scale of awesomeness. A great way to combat boredom and evil monsters at the same time.

Wow, I never knew girls liked lollipops so much. Never thought I’d care about Myspace this much either, but it’s really getting to be lame these days. Every time I get on now I’m bombarded with videos of half-naked chicks eating lollipops, friend requested by bogus profiles of other half-naked chicks, and messaged by fake friends of half-naked chicks who all think I’m “like, totally hawt.” Please, have some decency. If I wanted to look at porn I’d go to a porn site.

The fact is, spam and advertising is all complete filth, whether it seeks to exploit sex or any of our other most basic desires. Much like the popular brand of canned meat, spam and web ads have only one effect - they make me question whether human existence really is as important as I’d like to believe. Gargantuan billboards of gluttonous fast-food meals, sparklingly decadent diamond commercials, flashy online casinos - everything’s a business now to snag us by our weaknesses and reel us in like fish to the frying pan. When countless imbeciles spend their time shotgunning out scams by email, and countless others spend their workdays trying to think of advertising so outrageous it will get a reaction even out of our utterly desensitized brains, it really bugs me sometimes that God hasn’t firebombed the entire earth and sent us all straight to hell. We deserve it.

But thank goodness that’s not the case. We’ll all learn someday what the truth is, but I guess until then I’m going to have to deal with this garbage everywhere I look. What a shame that the human race has come this far, only to use our innovations to further our own demise.