Preamble:
The following discourse has nothing to do with bitterness or resentment toward women; it is a straight-forward statement of observation. ¹The behavior of the female species is at best inexplicable, random, and overly emotional. ²Their convoluted emotional mechanisms make them completely incapable of actually knowing what they want for sure at any given time. ³They have the tendency to become overwrought at the most inopportune moments; ⁴they love to spend money impulsively and are known to be impetuous and irrational. ⁵But stereotypes about women exist for the same reason that many other stereotypes exist: because they are mostly true. ⁶This piece has been assembled for the benefit of both men and women everywhere, so that a greater understanding of woman as alien can be realized. ⁷The following theory is what every man, for as long as time has existed, has wanted to say but could never find the words for.




Article 1:
A) ¹Women have a certain condition; a complex, if you will, which will henceforth be known as WGRS, or “Worthwhile Guy Rejection Syndrome.” ²The basic premise is that women tend to reject the men that really care about them and cling to the ones who don’t. ³The symptoms begin when a woman watches a romantic comedy, drama, or any other form of female-oriented media. ⁴Having just finished the brainwashing process caused by the media in question, ^4bthe average female begins by complaining to her friends that there are “no good guys in the real world.” ⁵The truth is, no woman wants a perfectly behaved, all-around goody-two-shoes kind of guy. ⁶Some women might think they want a caring, sensitive, thoughtful wuss-bag, but they don’t. ⁷Without exception, all women want a man who stimulates their need for excitement, power, fame, riches, or any combination of those things. ⁸The need to be with a powerful man is yet another example of the fact that ^8bwomen are never quite sure of anything; ⁹at any given moment a woman can swing from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other.


B) ¹Women often find themselves dating men who put little or no emotional effort into their relationship. ²These men are what are known as “players;” those males with the ability to be wild, carefree, and laid-back, traits which most women find extremely appealing. ³But players are masters of their craft who use charm, cunning, and deception to appear caring and sensitive, only so they can win a woman’s favor and abuse her naivety. ⁴It is estimated that about 100% of males are capable of being players, but ⁵many never exercise their true talent in that regard.


C) ¹When the player decides he is done with said female, he will proceed to the “being a jerk” stage. ²This upsets the woman and causes her to complain once again to her friends that she “hates all males” and that there are “no good men in existence.” ³In fact, this has only happened because she has chosen the wrong type of male to begin with. ⁴Thus begins the lengthy, arduous process in which the woman chooses to remain in a relationship with a man who doesn’t treat her right.


D) ¹The other symptoms of WGRS occur when a woman begins a relationship with a guy and then finds out that he truly and genuinely cares about and/or is in love with her. ²The male naturally starts to make the woman a priority, putting her above many things in his life, and strives to treat her the absolute best that he can because, after all, he believes that this will cause her to reciprocate his feelings.


E) ¹Indeed his actions may cause the female to express love in return, but only for a time. ²When the female realizes that she is the complete object of a man’s affection, and that she can do anything she wants, act however she wants, and say whatever she wants without causing him to question his love for her, life becomes unchallenging and she gets bored. ³A woman who cannot successfully manipulate the male mind and play complicated mind games cannot, for all intents and purposes, function normally as a female. ⁴Therefore, any normal woman cannot exist under the aforementioned conditions.




Article 2:
A) ¹When it comes to moving relationships from one stage to another, a woman is always, and will always be, in control, for no other reason than that she has to be; ²if she does not feel as if she is the one setting the standards, she will become uncomfortable, and if control is not regained she may take drastic measures in order to make that happen.


B) ¹Every girl has her preference as for the pace at which she believes a relationship should proceed. ²If a girl sees things as moving too quickly, she begins to feel smothered. ³When a relationship moves too slowly for a woman, she is in constant need of greater levels of commitment. ⁴Note that this is not always an immediate reaction; ⁵it often takes a certain amount of time before these feelings set in completely. ⁶When they do, however, it becomes a matter of life and death for the relationship.


C) ¹A man can suggest that the relationship status be brought to the next level, but if the woman does not concur the man has signed his own death warrant; ²an “I love you” when the woman is not ready will cause her to go insane and start freaking out. ³“Will you marry me?”, “let’s get married,” or even “have you thought about marriage?”, will cause her, again, to go insane and start flipping out if she has any reservations whatsoever.


D) ¹On the reverse side of the coin, a woman’s suggestion of any one of the previously mentioned things will cause a man to be taken aback, but he will either avoid the question until he is ready, or tell her flat out that he isn’t. ²Usually the relationship will continue on, maintaining its current status. ³If the man chooses not to respond to the woman’s repeated attempts for a greater level of commitment after a given period of time, she will first repeat the actions outlined in Article 1, Section C, Verse 2, and then most likely become dissatisfied and vacate the premises.




Article 3:
A) ¹All women, and I mean all of them, have a cardinal rule about ending a relationship: ²It is okay for a woman to break a man’s heart, but not vice versa. ³Females most often resort to whichever break-up method will make themselves feel the least guilty. ⁴Women hate more than anything to feel responsible for someone else’s emotional pain, so ^4bthey usually employ a veritable smoke and mirrors effect throughout the entire break-up process. ⁵Most females have a way of threading their words into a complicated mesh of ambiguity that is almost impossible to figure out. ⁶This approach usually results in maximum heartbreak for the male, since ^6bwomen over-analyze everything and have no understanding of how simple and straight-forward men really are.


B) ¹An attempt at untruth or half-truth is the most common of womens’ methods. ²Whereas most males would rather be told the situation bluntly and truthfully, the female sequence of actions makes things more complicated and emotionally painful than they would have been in the first place, had she simply opted for honesty and clarity.


C) ¹When a man ends a relationship, he becomes the target of a stream of pure hatred, which is directed at him by his former lover, all of her friends, and her brothers/guy friends/large male bodyguards/anyone else who is willing to rough him up verbally or physically.


D) ¹When a female is the cause of termination, however, the male is often faced with the prospect of begging and grovelling for her return instead of taking vengeance. ²Imagine a man asking his closest buddies to go to his ex-lady’s house at night and give her a black eye. ³This is not a former lover getting revenge, but rather, it is a lawsuit waiting to happen.




Article 4:
A) ¹The successful male is one who holds back his true feelings, toning them down continually and never revealing how much he truly cares for the woman in his life. ²He also realizes that there are some women who value money, some who value sex, and others who value the true maturity and multi-faceted intimacy that worthwhile relationships are made of. ³All females will arrive at this stage at one or more times in their lives. ⁴It is the discernment to choose wisely, while remembering always that females are, at their foundation, nothing more and nothing less than females, that will bring a man happiness for the rest of his days.


B) ¹When a male truly learns to “control by being controlled,” he will have mastered the art of the successful heterosexual relationship. ²By being aware of a woman’s conniving, manipulative, oft-subconscious tendencies, he is the better for it. ³Furthermore, each concept outlined in the above discourse is both absolute truth and scientific fact.


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