At Virginia Tech there isn’t much to talk about except football and drinking. When you aren’t waking up in random places, finding humongous granny panties on your doorknob along with “thanks for last night” written in scarlet lipstick, or describing that awesome game-winning play and how your cheering must have affected the outcome, other approaches to discussion must be made. This is essential so that you do not devolve into a room-dwelling, novel-reading “keep out of the light” freak.

Similar-minded people recognized this need for adaptation and began to establish conversation topics including faucet explosions, that weird smell that must be coming from your refrigerator, and even your paranoia that your roommate either:

a.) touches you at night

b.) stares at you while you sleep, or

c.) has an evil plot to kill you and make it look like suicide in order to maintain their grade point average

There is a crazy correlation, if one looks, between reduction of intellect and one’s ability to find entertainment on Virginia Tech’s campus. Personal favorites of new forms of diversion include rolling cans of Mackerel from a hilltop, making instruments out of coke bottles and playing them in a courtyard, and last but not least, finding locations that echo!!!!!

As time passes, however, our creative ability to generate compelling conversation has greatly increased. The new subject? Cape Man! It is nationally mandated that every university has a base of crazy cultural phenomena. On every campus exists one of the following:

1.) a midget on roller blades

2.) the old scary schizophrenic man that always talks about “the war”

3.) The Cape Man!

Cape Man, however, serves as a warning to all of us of what might happen if we allow ourselves to become overly bored. If this is to happen, we will turn our image into one of either dark, death-defying, blood-sucking, Zima-drinking mystery, or just the weird freakish entities that are victims of the lack of activity. I hope I do not become either!