A local man accidentally shot and killed his ex-wife Tuesday, law enforcement officials say.
Jacob Raymel says he was standing on a hill about 300 feet from his ex-wife’s home, looking around for his car, when the high-powered hunting rifle he was holding mis-fired.
“I had just bought the gun, and I was showing it to a [...]

Easter Bunny Bored Out of Mind
Sources close to the Easter Bunny say he is getting tired of “the same old hippity-hop routine every year.” True, all good things must come to an end, but to think that such a hero of modern holiday legend might consider retirement before the Pope is unheard of. Indeed the [...]

FCC Proposes “No Sex Without Violence” Legislation
In a landmark decision following controversy over its recent crackdown on indecency in the media, the Federal Communications Commission has proposed a compromise which will “clear the airwaves” of any disputes over content on television or radio.
“We live in a violent world,” FCC commissioner Michael J. Copps stated to [...]

Prejudice Shown Toward the Disabled
A local school recently added a sign to its outer walls proclaiming its maligned sentiments toward the handicapped.
Neither the school’s principal nor any staff members were available for comment this morning between 1:00 and 2:47a.m.
“I think it’s an outrage,” said one graduate, who attended the school last year. “Disabled people should [...]

Doctor’s Appointment Gone Wrong
During a routine examination, 81-year-old Susan Bernstein pulled a sawed-off shotgun from her purse and then turned on her physician. She held the doctor at gunpoint and forced him to perform lewd acts, such as hitting himself in the head with one of those little reflex mallet thingies, and yelling into his [...]

A 52-year-old man was arrested Thursday after he mowed down several dozen pedestrians in his 1986 Chevy pick-up truck. When asked why he went on such a brutal rampage with seemingly no remorse for his actions, the man told police that video games made him do it.
Later the man said he had scored somewhere in [...]

It’s no surprise that for as long as many can recall, citizens of the United States have been using Canada as the scapegoat for everything short of an as-yet-to-occur nuclear holocaust. But a new grassroots movement has people believing it’s Canada’s own fault that they are to blame.
“All they do is sit there,” says one [...]

Sex No Longer Selling Like It Used To
At the close of the 4th quarter, high-level officials in the entertainment industry issued a stunning report: sex sales are at an all-time low.
“We just don’t know what happened. Sex was selling like hot-cakes and then all of a sudden, our relationship with the consumer started to fizzle.”
In [...]

Multiple Screen Names Affect Social Life
A new study by the Internet Health and Safety Board shows that not only are multiple screen names annoying, they are also associated with “a serious relational disorder that we’re calling False Identity Syndrome Type Y, or FISTY,” says Dr. Robert Gugenheimer, an expert with the IHSB.
“People just bite off [...]

Student Does Homework Friday, Enjoys Rest of Weekend
A local high school student did all her homework on Friday evening, sources tell SweetCripes. Apparently, she was sick of putting it off until Sunday night and feeling tired on Monday.
Information gathered by our scouts alludes to the fact that the un-named student did approximately 30 math problems, [...]