There is an elementary school near where I live, which I pass every day when I go to school/work/church or wherever I happen to be going. Anyway, the speed limit on this particular stretch of road is 25mph, and quite appropriately so. After all you can’t have crazy lunatics speeding through the neighborhood, especially during the hours when little kids are traveling to and from school. I mean it would suck to have kid-guts splattered all over the road. Kidding.

So I’m heading toward class at around 4pm (keep in mind that I’ve left the house a half-hour before class starts to give myself plenty of time to get there and find a spot in GMU’s ever-so-limited parking space). I’m pretty sure I usually cruise the street at a top speed of somewhere around 30mph, maybe pushing 35 if I’m late. But I just so happened to be right on schedule. So I notice this SUV ahead, traveling about the speed limit. Not a real SUV, mind you, it was more like one of those “I’m a soccer mom, but I drive this instead of the stereotypical minivan” SUVs. Before I know it I’m right up on her bumper and she’s slowed down to under 10mph and is just kind of sitting there. So I follow the lady for what seems like 2.376 millenia, before she finally turns into the school.

Congratulations, bozo. You and your obnoxious PTA friends are doing your part to keep reckless, irresponsible madmen from compromising a safe educational atmosphere. Besides, everyone knows that people who drive red sports cars are always speeding. And if they’re not, they will later, so you might as well take the opportunity to inconvenience them while you have the chance. I hate it when people drive slow, but even more I hate it when they drive slow on purpose. For the record, I was five minutes late to class. Jerk.