On a Saturday afternoon not too long ago, I was chizilling on the couch like, fo shizzle. Wayne’s World 2 was on TV, so it was a total score. But just as the movie was getting really way cool I heard a knock at the door. I glanced at the clock; 3:30pm. “Who could it possibly be at this hour?” I said to myself.

I rushed upstairs and opened the front door, where a little girl and her mother stood. “This must be a trap,” I mused. Indeed I was right, for out from behind her back whipped the little girl what else but a clipboard and a pen. A girl scout! Damn the torpedos… I was sunk. There was no escape, so I agreed to buy two boxes of the most hella good cookies in the galaxy, thin mints.

Then, it happened.

To my utter dismay, it was the scene in the movie where Garth makes whoopie with that really hot blonde bimbo! I’m assuming that’s what happens - I haven’t seen it because I was upstairs answering the DOOR. The volume on the TV was maxed out to the max, and as I began to write my name and address, a flood of orgasmic feminine moans wafted up the staircase and into the ears of little Sally Girl Scout… and her mother.

I considered my options.

A) drop the clipboard, shut the door and run. But by then they already had my name and knew where I lived, so that was out of the question.

B) stand there and hope they don’t hear anything. The look on the lady’s face said “uh, yeah I am definitely hearing that.”

C) remain calm and sneakily step outside, allowing the screen door to shut behind me.

Option C seemed foolproof, except that they were so close to the door I didn’t have room to step. So I stood there and scribbled, wincing as each deafening sigh of passion echoed throughout the house. By the time I got downstairs the station had cut to commercial.

Luckily, my cookies came last week and they didn’t leave them on the doorstep with a death threat. They probably wanted to, but they had to get their six bucks. I’ve still been enjoying my cookies, even if they will be the last thing I ever eat.