I’d do well to marry myself a crazed, career-obsessed psychopath of a woman, whose blind determination to climb the corporate ladder to insurmountable success enables me to become a house-husband. The endless banter about the changing gender roles in our society has some weight to it. Well, I’m finally giving in.

These days, women want careers; they don’t just graduate high school, possibly go to college and then settle down. They want to graduate, get a good position, and have some big important job somewhere doing big important stuff. I say let them have it. Every chick I know is talking about careers as if it’s their destiny to become high-ranking, business suit-wearing, short haircut-having office divas.

In all honesty, I’d give my left testicle to be able to sit around on my tuckus all day eating bon-bons and watching soaps; do a little laundry here, read a spicy romance novel, clean a few dishes there, do some food shopping, learn to play the harpsichord, surf the web, take a bubble bath, watch TV, and keep the house in decent shape.

In other words, women: THE GOOD LIFE! The life so many of you choose to shun because it is somehow shameful in this modern age for a woman to be the mistress of her domestic domain; because you constantly complain that being a housewife is just as hard as waking your tired butt up every morning, sitting in traffic for two hours, working in a crappy, sunlight-devoid office, sitting in traffic for two more hours, coming home, eating, taking a dump and going to sleep. Repeat five times per week.

The truth is that being a housewife ISN’T NEARLY AS HARD. Being a housewife with kids, now that’s a different story. That’s ten times as difficult! But I’m not talking about kids. I don’t even want kids, at least for awhile. All I’m saying is if I can snag a woman whose desire for a career is so great that she can’t possibly deny it, I guarantee I’ll have dinner piping hot and waiting for her every single evening when she gets home. Gourmet dinner, too. Stuff like mac & cheese, Domino’s Pizza, and Lean Cuisine. Or on special occasions, Hamburger Helper with Rice-a-roni on the side. Shwing!