The average person can go about their daily routine and avoid looking like a gigantic freak of nature. I’m not so lucky.

I pulled into my parking space on campus and got out of my car, having just arrived from work on my way to class. As I crossed the street I noticed that a tall, well-dressed guy was walking several yards in front of me. He was ordinary in every way except that he carried two nearly identical shoulder-strap bags.

Since I was about to be late I was walking a bit on the quick side, but so was he. I saw him turn his head and look at me for a second, since we were the only two people walking that particular way. Around the pond, across the bridge, up the hill, and past the theatre I was walking behind him, not fast enough to pass him by but too quickly to lose him.

Then came the sidewalk, where you could either turn right or go straight ahead. He went right, and so did I. Then a set of shallow steps; you can either walk up the steps or go across the pavement… we both crossed the pavement. Finally we split ways, but I made a left turn past a low brick wall and there, on the other side, was the same guy. He turned his head again, and noticing I was still there, quickened his pace. I decided that this was getting too weird, so I stepped into a building and took the long way to class to avoid anymore of this absurdity. It wasn’t until later that things got really messed up…

Three classes - and about 5 hours later - I traversed the long walkway and made my way back out to the parking lot. As I strode down the shallow steps, the worst thing that could have possibly happened… happened.

There he was, the same guy. Tall, well-dressed, and carrying not one - but two - shoulder-strap bags.

I uttered an incoherent statement of contempt toward this ill fate that had befallen me. For this time, the guy had a particularly burly friend walking beside him. I didn’t want to stop and wait for them to leave, nor did I want to make my presence known to either one of them. All I knew was that I wanted this to be over soon, but with two of them walking side by side there was no room to get past.

I could think of no alternate course of action but challenge them both… to a duel.

The fact that I’m here now writing this story, should make clear the outcome of the bloody battle that took place earlier today. In fact, all I can really tell you is that down by the water, where the pond narrows into a gently flowing creek, there is a wooden plank bridge. Don’t look underneath. You might find something you don’t want to see.