The semi-large snowstorm we just had provided all us college students a chance to do what we do best: be lazy as crap. In the tradition of excellence that is the epitome of being an apathetic 20 year old, I was lying on the couch trying to lower my breathing rate so I could achieve a state of extreme relaxation. I was doing pretty good until some kind of plastic surgery special came on on VH1. It was all about how famous, beautiful people spend their lavish earnings on making themselves look like manequins.

Before seeing this special I had thought Michael Jackson was the biggest freak ever, but it turns out that… oh wait, he is. However, I present to you Exhibit B, the most hideous of all swamp monsters: Joan Rivers. She looks like her face got nuked off and they tried to fix it with two marbles and some wax paper. The sad part is that just like Michael Jackson, Rivers didn’t used to be a complete freak of nature. These people are both glaring examples of what too much plastic surgery can do to a person. Which is probably why they were both on the special I was watching.

Anyway, back to me watching TV. I happened to hit Comedy Central just as a movie was coming on. Not knowing which movie it was at the time, I kept it there and ended up watching Joe Dirt. It was an okay movie except for the plot, the acting, and the storyline. If you told me to rate it on a scale of 1 to 5, I’d say “Shut up. I want those two hours of my life back.” Some movies start out well but end up spiraling downward into the proverbial pit of super-suck. This was one of those movies. You know, the kind where the whole time you’re sitting there thinking that maybe this movie is going to have a cheesy, typical, perfect happy ending and when it’s over you wonder why you didn’t realize it from the start. Never see this movie. It blows. Furthermore, if you have to choose between watching Joe Dirt and getting trampled by a herd of elephants, you know what to do.

So I continued to watch television for a short time after that, but besides South Park nothing came close to watching Jackson and Rivers be freaks or Joe Dirt be a complete moron. And thus concludes my TV watching segment for the month. Hopefully there will be another storm soon, maybe this time I’ll go outside and throw ice at people.