I can’t believe how selfish and immature old people can be. Old people are the worst! I’m formulating a hypothesis which states that the older you get, the more perfect you think you are, and therefore the less perfect you think everyone around you is. That’s why so many old people think they have the right to piss and moan about everything that puts them out for more than half a second. Old people become so impatient with everyone, so intolerant of simple mistakes; its almost funny how childish they can become. Actually it’s knee-friggin-slapping hilarious. They wonder why teenagers are always running around being trouble-makers. Well I’ll tell you why old man, it’s just because you hate it but you’re too slow and senile to catch up! HAH, bite me.

I’m standing behind this dude at the checkout line, who looks meaner’n the day you were born. He’s about yay-high and yay-old (meaning really short and really old). All he has is a magazine or something and decides (note: genius) that he doesn’t want to put it down on the conveyor and keeps it in his hands instead. Being a normal consumer, familiar with the customary transferral of merchandise from basket to conveyor belt, I put my stuff down and the cashier girl rolls it down and starts checking it, also going with the notion that the next person’s merchandise usually comes up next.

So this guy just stands there in front of me, staring at her like some old guy trying to be really really obnoxious on purpose. Oh hold on… I mean, yeah. Finally, AFTER she scans everything and tells him the total, he goes (get this): “That’s not my stuff. I don’t know who the hell’s it is, but it’s not mine!” First, either you’re a complete tard or you’re purposely trying to be a balding jerk if you don’t realize that the stuff that isn’t yours belongs to the person behind you. And second, what a classic example of an old person just standing there and expecting the world to revolve around his perfection.

God forbid it that you should allow someone to get away with making an honest mistake, so when the girl says “oh, I’m sorry sir!” and asks if he minds if I check out first, he grunts and shakes his head like he’s not the biggest butt in the world. I swipe my card, which takes two seconds, and then pick up my groceries and get out of there.

When I glance back one last time, the old guy gives me this look like he wants a piece of me! “Oh no he just didn’t,” I said to myself. So I turned around, got a running start, and jump-kicked the guy’s head through the candy rack in between the Certs and the Junior Mints. Then I went out to my wheels and pimped it all the way home.