This morning when I was crossing the polar ice flows to get out to my car, I was thinking about how much cold weather bites a big one, when out of nowhere I slipped and fell, and cracked my head open. As blood began to spurt profusely from various ice-shard wounds I had taken to the face and skull as a result of my fall, my thoughts turned to the fact that the only good thing about cold weather is… absolutely nothing. Snow is okay if you don’t have to go to work or school, but if it doesn’t melt after awhile it just becomes a nuisance.

Think about it: when it’s cold, you can’t spend time outside unless you want frostbite, and you have to spend billions of your hard-earned dollars keeping your house warm. During the winter, days are shorter and people get depressed because they realize it’s better to be dead than stand outside in the freezing cold. Not to mention the fact that the retards on the school board somehow convince themselves in between bong hits that “make-up days” are worthwhile. A make-up day is basically a way to coerce teachers, students, parents and bus drivers into committing suicide so the school board can get a good laugh.

When I got back from the hospital I decided to watch some TV. More pointless banter about the 2004 elections. I walked into my room: balls-cold. Went to turn on the heater, but slipped once again on the sheet of solid ice that had formed across the carpet since the last time I had been inside. Get warm for cryin out loud. Today was cold, just like yesterday and the month before that. Is winter your favorite season? Write me and I’ll tell you why you’re wrong.