Wow, I never knew girls liked lollipops so much. Never thought I’d care about Myspace this much either, but it’s really getting to be lame these days. Every time I get on now I’m bombarded with videos of half-naked chicks eating lollipops, friend requested by bogus profiles of other half-naked chicks, and messaged by fake friends of half-naked chicks who all think I’m “like, totally hawt.” Please, have some decency. If I wanted to look at porn I’d go to a porn site.

The fact is, spam and advertising is all complete filth, whether it seeks to exploit sex or any of our other most basic desires. Much like the popular brand of canned meat, spam and web ads have only one effect - they make me question whether human existence really is as important as I’d like to believe. Gargantuan billboards of gluttonous fast-food meals, sparklingly decadent diamond commercials, flashy online casinos - everything’s a business now to snag us by our weaknesses and reel us in like fish to the frying pan. When countless imbeciles spend their time shotgunning out scams by email, and countless others spend their workdays trying to think of advertising so outrageous it will get a reaction even out of our utterly desensitized brains, it really bugs me sometimes that God hasn’t firebombed the entire earth and sent us all straight to hell. We deserve it.

But thank goodness that’s not the case. We’ll all learn someday what the truth is, but I guess until then I’m going to have to deal with this garbage everywhere I look. What a shame that the human race has come this far, only to use our innovations to further our own demise.