I just went to see the third episode of Star Wars the other day and I’ve decided I’m going to fall to the dark side of the Force. I’ve been a proponent of the Jedi way of life for a while, but I’m just not doing the special powers I need. The way I see it, the Force is all about doing cool powers, and when it comes to doing sweet powers, the dark side is the place to be.

While Jedi Knights from the light side get lightsabers and can manipulate objects with their minds, that’s pretty much the extent of their abilities.

Sith Lords from the dark side, on the other hand, have great costumes. They can shoot electric lightning bolts from their hands and they get to have red lightsabers which are sometimes double lightsabers. They can also choke people just by looking at them, which makes them super hot.

Another crazy part about being on the dark side is that if you get hurt or mangled during battle, you become more powerful.

For example, in the movie the old guy had his hand-lightning deflected back at him and he was horribly deformed, and right after that he became the Emporer.

Also Anakin Skywalker got his legs sliced off in a lightsaber battle, so they put him into his Darth Vader suit and he gained supreme powers in a major way.

I don’t know about you suckers, but I’ll be on the dark side. You can stay on the light side and do stupid, unimpressive powers.