How many times in the last three years have you heard a reference to “September 11, 2001,” or “the events” thereof? Too DARN many, that’s how many! I’m sick of people referencing it like it was Pearl Harbor or something. Not like it was practically the same thing… oh, hold on. Anyway that’s besides the point.

Yes, it sucked. Yes, our country has grown a weency bit stronger because of it. To those people who keep mentioning it as if it were your patriotic duty and the only purpose of your existence, I have this to say:

SHUT UP. WE ALREADY KNOW.

No one can tell it like the Congressman. You’ll hear some old dude in the Senate talking about Education and then all of a sudden “The events of September 11th changed our nation forever. Blah. Blah, Bl-blah blah BLAH.”

Geez, don’t make me kick you in the face! In fact, the next person that says September 11th or anything like it, I’m going to kick them in the face.

The worst part about all of this is how loosely we’ve learned to use the words ‘terrorist’ and ‘terrorism.’ It’s like the Salem Witch Trials; it’s like McCarthyism, all over again. If you believed everyone should get one lollipop instead of some people getting two, that used to make you a Communist. Now if you Google the word “bomb,” or set off fireworks in August, or buy marijuana from a dealer whose supplier used to be next door neighbors with a construction worker who saw an Afghani dude who knew Bin Laden’s second cousin’s grandson’s pen pal’s best friend, you’re a fricking TERRORIST! OH NO, THE BLOODY TERRORISTS!

What I’m suggesting is not that we forget these tragic events and their sacred place in our history. Rather, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! THE TERRORISTS ARE GOING TO EAT YOUR SOUL!