Prejudice Shown Toward the Disabled
A local school recently added a sign to its outer walls proclaiming its maligned sentiments toward the handicapped.

Neither the school’s principal nor any staff members were available for comment this morning between 1:00 and 2:47a.m.

“I think it’s an outrage,” said one graduate, who attended the school last year. “Disabled people should be completely banned, and a sign isn’t going to accomplish that by itself.”

Other citizens expressed their anger in a demonstration that took place Tuesday. A group of rich white male landowners dressed in bed sheets marched around in a circle outside the school for several hours and engaged in chanting rituals. Soon a pair of turntables had been set up, and a student dj proceeded to make it funky. Before long several students had ditched class and were dancing along.

“Yeah, those guys were super good,” said Derek, a sophomore. “I think they’re gonna be really big.”

By the time police arrived at the scene, the group had disbanded and the principal, along with several teachers from various departments, had taken up defensive positions across the school. A firefight broke out soon afterward, causing an early dismissal. Among the wounded are 7th grade Math teacher Mrs. Johnson, Freshman P.E. teacher Mr. Gable, and Advanced Art instructor Ms. Burdette, who was in critical condition last night after a hand grenade malfunction.