Okay to tell you the truth, I think that Saint Patrick’s Day is the stupidest holiday ever contrived that’s actually celebrated. Other stupid holidays that never are celebrated, but are created by extremely bored people include:

1.) Put zuchinni on your neighbor’s doorstep day: July 12th

2.) Lost Sock Remembrance Day (Support the victims of evil washing machines): Dec 4th

3.) Send Celine Dion food day: Jan 1st-Dec 31st

4.) Send lacy underwear to prison day: (I truly hope this isn’t a holiday)

5.) See how many times you can say hamster day: October 11th (still wondering why this one hasn’t caught on)

Saint Patty’s day is made out to be a cultural event that allows everyone in the ENTIRE UNIVERSE to be Irish for one whole day even though most of the people that celebrate are WASPS anyhow!!! Being Irish is defined by the amount of green you wear, and if you aren’t Irish by wearing green that means everyone in the entire universe… since we are all Irish, gets to pelt you with potatoes… you goshdarn non-Irishman.

Basically, Saint Patty’s day is a nationally mandated excuse to get completely plastered. This, however, lacks creativity and thought. A friend in my Modernism class has the right idea; she makes up a different reason to get drunk every night and doesn’t need to wait for some stupid holiday. I find her reasons completely and utterly entertaining and creative. My favorite excuses thus far have been “St. Practice Day,” “Appreciation of my Homies Day,” and “Thursday.”

There are some cool features to Saint Patty’s Day. For example, leprechauns are so magically delicious and they provide hundreds of children with nourishment and enjoyment. Their paranoia (”they’re after me lucky charms!”) and lack of purpose (what do they do anyway?) makes all children happy to eat them. I always wondered if there were leper-chauns or if that would make a good movie. The thought of little green demon-like pixies jumping out and trying to nub you to death could be quite frightening. Speaking of great scary leprechaun movies, make sure you see Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood. This classic piece of movie delight will have you screaming in agony that you actually rented the movie. Anyhow the random point is that leprechauns rock.

Although Saint Patty’s Day does not make much sense, hopefully we can incorporate other holidays where we can pretend we are other nationalities for a day. This might aid cultural appreciation and perhaps people would find more chances to be pelted with something other than potatoes.