Preamble:
The following discourse has nothing to do with bitterness or resentment toward males; it is a straight-forward statement of observation. Please understand this is a generalization. Stereotypes about men exist for the same reason that many other stereotypes exist: because they are mostly true. This piece has been assembled for the benefit of both women and men everywhere, so that a greater understanding of man can be realized. The following theory is what every woman, for as long as time has existed, has wanted to know about men, in a simple discourse of male theory.


1.) Men like things simple. They don’t care what color shoes “so and so” was wearing. In fact, they don’t really care if “so and so” was even wearing shoes.

a.) When talking, keep to the point, say the point and move on.
b.) Use pictures instead of words if you want to keep a man’s attention.

2.) If you want a man to pay attention to you and not your breasts, don’t have them hanging out for all the world to see.

a.) However, if you want to attract a guy in a sexual manner, put them on display, but don’t complain that he only likes you for your breasts, because then it will be true.
b.) Also, if you dress like a hooch, don’t complain when you get hit on by males of all types. Men are wired to look.

3.) Men don’t like when you talk about your guy friends and/or ex’s. Unless you happen to be feeding their ego by telling them that they are so much awesomer than all the other guys you have ever known.

a.) Refer to Article 1, point B. Men would actually prefer if you just didn’t talk.
b.) If it is important that they know something about another friend of the male species, keep it brief and to the point.

4.) Males only care about music, cars, sports, and sex.

a.) Don’t expect a male to actually care about how your day was. That’s what your girl friends are for. But feel free to tell him anyway, because he’ll still listen - or at least do a decent job of pretending to.

5.) Males are easily amused by shiny objects, no matter how sophisticated the male may seem.

a.) If the shiny object flashes, lights up, or makes noise, it adds to their amusement.
b.) If the shiny object does all three, you will keep a male entertained for quite some time. Especially if he can take it apart and put it back together.

6.) Males dislike asking for directions.

a.) This dislike grows when asking for directions from a female.

7.) Males forget things.

a.) Repeat information as often as necessary.
b.) Repeat information too often, and he will call you a nag.

8.) When requesting a special gift from a male for a special occasion, don’t expect him to actually remember what you want.

a.) Subtle hints do not work. Be specific and to the point. Use pictures when available.
b.) However, if you request lingerie he will magically remember - just make sure he knows your size.
c.) Best idea, take his credit card and buy your own gift.
d.) Saying “if you knew me, you’d know what I want” to a male in reference to a gift will most likely result in you getting your very own XBOX or Wii. If you receive one of these, don’t be surprised. If you are actually excited to get one of these, you can easily score bonus points if you promise to play with him.

9.) Males care about their woman’s appearance more than their own appearance.

a.) They dislike hearing you complain about your body. If you complain too much, after awhile he’ll stop trying so hard to convince you that you’re wrong.
b.) Don’t ask if those jeans make you look fat unless you want an honest answer.
I. If you are given an honest answer, don’t throw things at him.
II. If he says you look great, don’t accuse him of lying. Just say thank you and walk away. You got what you wanted; don’t make his life harder than it already is.
c.) Furthermore, don’t even ask “how do I look?” He will become stuck trying to figure out if this is a trick or if you genuinely want to know how you look. Make things easy on the both of you: if he doesn’t say you look bad, assume you look nice. If you must know how you look, take a picture of your outfit and text it to a girl friend, then go from there.

10.) Most males do care about their own appearances, no matter how much they downplay it.

a) All males like to be complimented, so compliment them often. However, do not compliment them too often unless you want them to believe you have a thing for them. However, if you are in a dating relationship, you’d better be complimenting him quite often. (Especially if you are ugly - you don’t want other girls to be out-complimenting you.)
b) Some males don’t know how to dress. This is not their fault. Please help them out by buying them new clothes and complimenting them on how great they look.

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