What exactly is SweetCripes.com?
“The Cripes,” as it is affectionately referred to by its retarded fans, is a media powerhouse in website form. Put simply, it’s a collection of entertainment that will leave your eyes, ears, nostrils, and loins tingling with delight.
Sounds awesome.
Of COURSE it’s awesome, you brain-dead butt stone. Why else would we call it “the awesomest stuff you ever heard of?”
Well if it’s so awesome, why isn’t (X) featured on it?
Probably because (X) sucks. If it isn’t on the Cripes, it’s either stupid or no one cares. Or both. If you think it might be awesome enough, send it in to us and we’ll let you know how insignificant it is, you worthless sack of crap.
Can I liquidate all my assets and donate the proceeds to SweetCripes.com?
We usually don’t like to take large donations for tax reasons, but we can always work something out under the table. Or if you ask a whole bunch of times and write a 5-page, double-spaced essay describing why you don’t deserve for us to take all your money, we may consider it.
Can I submit stuff for the Cripes?
Yes, if it doesn’t suck. Check out our Contact page for details about that.
(X) area of the site isn’t working, or has a dead link, the text is too big, the text is too small, I’m too stupid to understand (X)…
Tough crap. We at SweetCripes.com don’t have time for your pitiful requests, like providing a 100% functional website. We have better things to do than cater to your every whim, you neanderthal hunchback moron.
Are you hiring? How can I submit a job application?
Yes, we are currently seeking qualified interns/personal servants/slave laborers for our Moral Support department. You can apply online by submitting an application along with a cover letter at any of the email addresses provided on our Contact page. Before you apply, here are a list of skills that the qualified applicant should possess:
• Groveling
• Ability to withstand physical and emotional torture
• Ability to laugh while being made fun of and demeaned (on a regular basis)
• Prank calling government agencies
• Fighting police officers (both on and off camera)
• Taking life-threatening risks when asked
I want to advertise on your site. Do you sell ad space?
View our thoughts on commercials. In other words, no. Commercials are the reason for all the world’s problems. Send us an email with your IP address, along with a horrible photgraph of yourself immediately so we can make a public mockery of your life and block you from ever returning to this website again.
Got another question that’s not covered here? We don’t care!
