I swore to myself that I would never say it, but what are kids learning these days? I was browsing through the up-and-coming television shows for children (yes sometimes I have no life) and became frightened greatly by the new developments in television programming. Evidently the creators of Teletubbies have created a new show that will encourage large American children to get off their lard infested tushes and do some muscle pushes! Woah I should be Richard Simmons.

Now while we encourage our children to suck on the corporate bosom of America by consuming as much fast food as possible in ten minutes (Thanks to Ty for that corporate bosom term) we’ll also be teaching them to listen to the Great Boohbah. That’s right! Listen to the almighty Boohbah, a small atomic particle of energy that encourages movement and excitement. As put by the company Ragdoll, “The Boohbahs, five magical atoms of power, light, and fun travel in their Boohball around the world!”

First of all, I might be a little bit immature, but didn’t they just use words that sound like two naughty words in their show’s transportation device? Do people catch on to these things? Did they really believe that Pokemon meant pocket monsters in Japanese? Japanese children are laughing at us! They know that Pokemon really is a curse word and we let our kids yell it out. No wonder the world hates us. If other country’s children were screaming our native tongue’s curse words we’d hate them too!

You know people do this sort of thing all the time. Abercrombie and Fitch even had the wonderful idea to make a scarlet letter “A” on shirts to see how many females would purchase them, allowing them to unknowingly admit their ignorance to great literature of The Scarlett Letter by admitting their adulterous status. Woah, and I thought I was a literary dork!

This is not the first time that children’s materials have been corrupted by the perversion of sick, sick human beings. I’m sure all have been witness to the discrepancies in Disney movies, symbolism of drug addiction in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs - otherwise known as “Snow White and the Seven steps of overcoming a cocaine addiction” (Thank Jay for that one:) - and obvious Cold War Propaganda in the children’s game Candy Land.

Secondly, when were atoms magical, exciting, or fun? I took chemistry in tenth grade and my sub-atomic particles weren’t excited ::snorts:: Maybe Boohbahs would be more interesting if they were split atomic particles and took out their sister creation of the Teletubbies. Now that would be quality entertainment.

Lastly, I realize that maybe my mind isn’t suited to the psychedelic and probably perplexing mind of a three to five year old so who knows what can speak to them, inspire them, motivate them. All I know is if it keeps them quiet and stops them from screaming, these Boohbahs will be my new best friends.